xXx: Return of Xander Cage

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When the first trailer for this movie was released about 3 months ago, I was all in. Yes, the movie looked ridiculous but it was the kind of ridiculous I was all about. Fast-forward to January 18, 2017 and well, I couldn't have been more wrong. What I got was a movie that was apparently written by a 10-year-old hopped up on Mountain Dew.

In this new installment of the xXx franchise we see Xander Cage (Vin Diesel) return to action as he is called upon by Jane Marke (poor Tony Collette) to stop an evil madman, who is dropping satellites on people. No, I'm not making that up, this is the plot of the movie. However, Xander cannot complete this mission on his own so he needs to form a rag-tag team of extreme friends to help him out in the process. You got Adele Wolfe (Ruby Rose) as the sniper, Nicks (Kris Wu) as a DJ? We round out the crew with Tennyson Torch (Rory McCann) a crazy stunt man who likes to crash any mode of transportation he can get his hands on into things. On the flip side there's a rival group of rebels that are trying to accomplish the same goal, I think. Xiang (Donny Yen) Serena (Deepika Padukone) and Talon (Tony Jaa) are after the same mcguffin (I mean device). Michael Bisping is in there somewhere but it really doesn't matter, much like the entire plot.

One thing that an action movie is supposed to accomplish at its most basic level is to entertain you. Things like fight sequences, car chases and shootouts are supposed to get you hyped; get your blood pumping. This fails on almost every level. If you're going to have Tony Jaa and Donny Yen in your movie you better give them something to do. However, I would be remiss if I said they did not have their moments. The problem is, you can't see a damn thing. The fight sequences are cut to shreds and you don't get enough time to see them throw a punch before the camera cuts to another shot or decides it wants to see how many nose hairs either combatant has. This is just one of the biggest flaws through the entirety of the film. What the hell is the point in shooting a badass action sequence if your audience will not be able to tell what the hell is going on? How dare you have two world class action stars and not showcase all that they can do, that's unacceptable. As far as the rest of the action sequences go, the actual EXTREME sports sections are fine but they're nothing to write home about. Everything is just uninspired, boring, and laughable. One scene in particular seemed to skirt the time space continuum.

Then there's the actual script itself. I feel like the original idea of xXx was for it to be an American James Bond. In that regard as far as the character goes I guess it succeeds as women just seem to fall apart in Xander Cage’s presence. It's very off-putting actually. The dialog could only be described as being trash. There are times when it's very difficult to tell if a line is a joke or the line is so bad that it ends up being a joke.

The cringe worthy dialog, the nausea inducing fight sequences and poor editing take this from being a fun mindless good time to a boring slog of a film. It's a tight hour and thirty minutes but it feels like its 2 hours long. If all you want to do is fawn over Vin Diesel you're in luck. If you want to see a solid action movie, don't bother.

[easyreview title= "Review of xXx: Return of Xander Cage" cat1title="Terrence's Rating" cat1detail="Overall Review" cat1rating="1.5" overall= false]