Review: Left Behind

nicolascage Have you ever been stuck on a plane where you can’t get off the thing for what seems like an eternity? You’re stuck staring at the same angry and bored faces forever and ever as you wait to be allowed off this god forsaken ride. That’s the 2014 version of Left Behind. It makes you spend far too much time with a litany of people you have no interest in knowing yet by the end of it you are forced to hear the most unfortunate aspects of their lives all the while wondering how your friend sleeps through it all. The friend in this scenario is Nic Cage phoning in his entire performance. This is usually the part of the review where I give you a bit of a plot synopsis filled with names of characters. However I don’t recall a single name from this movie and I’m fine with that. I don’t even feel the need to look them up because I don’t care and never will. Nic Cage is in it ostensibly. There are no Cage-isms, no freak outs, no silly faces, nothing that makes Nic Cage the fun terrible actor we all know and love. He plays a pilot that has a college age daughter that flirts with some news correspondent that gets on the same plane that Nic Cage is piloting. Midway through the flight tons of people vanish all over the world and people freak out and then we are stuck on a plane or following his daughter on the ground for the rest of the film. And it’s boring as hell.

There’s no entertainment value here. Not even something to point and laugh at like the Kirk Cameron version. Oh, there’s a terrible message they try to deliver which boils down to, “Believe in God or all the terrible things in the world will end up befalling you as society collapse onto you head via car crashes, plane crashes, shootings, lootings and various other violent deaths”. It’s a terrible message but it is the only one being screamed at you the entire time.

Side note: The Rapture isn’t in the Bible. Seriously, go look it up. That makes this even dumber.

There’s no good reason to watch this schlock. Crap acting, terrible made for TV production values and you don’t even get to watch Cage be Cage. Wanna know the worst part? I’ve watched the Kirk Cameron version and found it far more entertaining. That ain’t right!

Don’t watch this movie. Do something productive like studying the origins of the Rapture. That way you can learn something instead of getting dumber with this pile of crap that pretends to be something deeper.

Yes that's ZERO stars.

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